because i continue to disappear for months at a time (see also:does it still count as a sabbatical if I’m not Dr. Bailey??)

~🌙🌹~

champagne kisses and whispered promises shared between tangled limbs//you taste like everything i could never have and yet gazing at the cotton candied sky i’ve never been more convinced that stars can be people too//in the summer we run through the vineyard and soak up the sun it’s the kind of life that’s easy to lose yourself in//weeks feels like years that melt into forever but time slips through my fingers lately


In case reading that wasn’t a major clue, I don’t have a poetic bone in my body but I’ve been forcing myself to write for the past month.

This is the part where we pretend I didn’t disappear for a month.

I might change the title at some point (or not) and I might explain my disappearance(maybe not) but in case you were wondering I’m still here.

xxxChips

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what i’ve been listening to lately #3

April was weird and I’m 12 days late but here’s another playlist

dear yessie//jessie reyez

 

 

truth hurts// lizzo

“I just took a DNA test, turns out I’m 100% that bitch”

dinner and diatribes//hozier

Your friends are a fate that befell me//hell is the talking type//I’d suffer hell if you’d tell me//what you’d do to me tonight

siren// kailee morgue 

“This could be perfection//or venom dripping in your mouth//singing like a siren//love me while your wrists are bound//you’ve been seeing me in your dreams//but I’ll be there when your reality drowns

connect//drake

“Isn’t it amazing how you talk all that shit and we still lack communication”

“”She used to say you can be whoever you want even yourself //I show up knowing exactly who I was and never leave as myself //But when it falls apart, I’m still down to pick a million tiny little pieces off the ground”

let me down//jorja smith

“I’ve got you to let me down. Why do you let me down? Why do you let me down?”

the only//sasha sloan

“A million people in this town but I could scream without a sound”

 

What have you been listening to lately?

xxxChips

sorry

Just some stuff from my old journals

I have looked in mirrors and not recognised the person staring back at me

I have sat alone at events wondering how long it would take for someone to notice

I have been on stages, and never performed as myself

 

I have read thousands of words because I needed to escape

I have written thousands of words because I am lost, I am so lost and then I am found and then I am not and then I don’t want to be

I have downloaded apps and videos and music to keep me breathing because I have days where doing so without isn’t an option

I have walked around with rocks where my heart should be

I’ve had lengthy conversations with Death and catch up sessions with the universe

 

I have existed in the spaces between everything else because I never knew how to exist in any other way

 

I have tried my best everyday to help people because I don’t think I get saved in this story

I think it ends with self-destruction

 

So I’m sorry if I’m too vulnerable for your liking. I’m sorry if I can’t hide the worst parts of me because I am broken and I’d rather save someone else than save me. I am sorry if you think I’m romanticizing an illness that became my identity way before any diagnosis. I’m sorry if the scars on my body make you uncomfortable. I’m sorry that the only reason I’m here is because of the best people I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing, even if it was never in person and feel like I have to fill this space because I would never have seen 14 if it hadn’t been for them. I’m sorry that I’m so messed up. 

Would you like me to apologise for breathing too?

I have. Often. I do.

I am so sorry

x

Friday 6PM ft. Elina

Get To Know Me Questions

How would you describe yourself to a stranger?

 I can be very introverted when you first meet me but as you get to know me you’ll see that I am more outgoing and really chatty. I’m really creative and adventurous when my health allows it. I am extremely empathetic and supportive of the people in my life but it takes me a while to trust people. And I’m constantly capturing memories through photography, film or writing.

What are some of your long and short term goals?

My long term goals are to become a successful young entrepreneur, travel the world, do public speaking events and help as many people as possible in any way I can. My short term goals are to run events for the InvisiYouth Charity, to create a supportive community for those with chronic illness and disabilities in Australia and in my home town. And finally to create a meaningful product that will make a difference in people’s lives.

Why did you decide to start blogging?

My mum actually suggested I start a blog when my health severely declined, as at the time I was stuck at home in bed and wanted a way I could express my creativity in a way I could manage. JustSoElina started as a beauty and lifestyle blog but quickly grew into a wellbeing and lifestyle blog as I started opening up about my life with chronic illness as I never wanted anyone else to feel as alone and scared as I did when I first got sick.

What’s your word/phrase for this year?

My phrase for this year is “everything happens for a reason”. I’m learning to look for the lessons and gifts that come out of every situation thrown at me and the ways I can use that for the future.

Who’s your current role model?

My current role model is Emma Carey, because she used a traumatic and life changing experience to make a difference. Whether it’s through Instagram (especially her captions), her public/Inspirational speaking or the beautiful products she creates.

What’s one thing most people don’t know about you?

I was a published co-author at 11 in a book called the Inspiration Bible where I wrote about using horsemanship to help with my anxiety and my connection with horses. I will also be in a second book coming out later this year called Our Infinite Power To Heal. Where I share about my vision issues/brain injury from my horse accident and the turning point in my vision healing journey.

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General Mental Health Questions

How do you stay positive during hard times?

Creating positive moments and memories throughout the hard times really helps me. Whether it’s an impromptu movie night at the cinemas or at home. Or taking a picnic down to the beach, anything that will put a smile on my face and help me relax for a bit.

What’s one piece of advice you’ve been given about your mental health you wish everyone knew?

I get so overwhelmed easily and am either so far in the past or future that I forget to live in the present. The best advice I have ever been given was from my amazing Mum which is to take things one day at a time, one step at a time.

How do you cope with stress?

I haven’t figured out fully how to cope with stress as it has been constant in my life for the past 8 years. But each day I am working on using my creativity, whether it be writing or taking photos to calm my mind and block out the situations that are out of my control. Which definitely isn’t always easy for me as my way to manage things is to be a massive control freak.

How does organisation help you mentally?

Growing up I was the most disorganized person known to man, my room was a bomb and I never got anything done on time. By writing detailed lists and taking the extra time to keep my bedroom tidy it helps me to relax and not get overwhelmed by everything.

How do you handle the physical effects of stress?

Stress is a massive trigger for my chronic pain and illness. Because my autonomic nervous system misfires, causing the nerves in my body to feel pain when I get stressed, it sets it off even more and adds even more nausea then I already feel. So as soon as I start to feel a little bit off I take it as an indicator that I need to step back and rest/recoup. If possible I will remove the stress, but usually I just find new tools to manage it. My go to is to give myself a period of time to sleep, watch movies and do small activities like going to the beach where I am not allowed to feel guilty for doing so (still working on that bit though).

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Toxic Family

What advice do you have for someone whose family refuses to accept that they’re struggling with their mental health?

This is a tricky one, as hard as it is unfortunately they may never accept it. You can’t make someone else understand they have to be willing to. It’s about finding the strength in yourself so that you don’t need them to, that their opinions are just that THEIRS and find other options for getting help and support.

Let’s talk pros and cons, in what ways has having a broken family affected you both negatively and positively?

The positives of growing up in a broken family are that it has made me a much stronger person and it’s also given me a deeper connection with others in the same situation. The negatives are my lack of trust, it can take me years to fully trust someone and open up. I take things personally with friendships and relationships and am terrified of saying the wrong thing because I don’t want to lose any more people in my life. And finally I’m a MASSIVE control freak; so much of my life has been out of control, especially the actions of family members that really hurt me. So now I try to control everything and when I can’t I break down.

How has your relationship with your family affected your ability to form relationships?

My relationship with my family has majorly affected my ability to form relationships. I struggle to open up and trust my friends because I am always just waiting for them to leave like my family did. And with guys as soon as I start to catch feelings or things start getting sort of serious I tend to push them away and convince myself I don’t have feelings for them. I also struggle with affection, like hugging people etc. always feels awkward and foreign to me.

What advice do you have for someone who feels like their family is falling apart? The most important thing to know is that it’s absolutely not your fault! What is happening with your family may have a huge effect on you, but the actual cause of it is not your fault. Therefore not your responsibility to try and fix (trust me on this, I’ve been down this road many times before). Talk to someone you trust about how your feeling or write it down, do not bottle it up. It may seem like a good idea at the time but will just cause you to breakdown even more in the future. And just to know that you and a strong and beautiful person and you will get through this, just take it one day at a time.

How do you know when it’s time to cut family off? And how much harder is it to do that as a teen when you’re constantly surrounded by these people and don’t have a say in it?

This is such a tough situation; I’ve been in it in the past. For everyone it will be different but for me I knew it was time to cut my family off when I was constantly in tears because of them and the way they treated me and when even the thought of seeing them sent me into panic. It was hard though because I didn’t have a choice in it because I’m only a teenager. I did refuse to see them but unfortunately for me that wasn’t possible. I learnt that you don’t have much of a choice in the situation but you do have a choice in how you manage it. Writing down how you feel and what you want to say to them but can’t in a journal really helps as well as figuring out a technique like pretending you’re in a bubble and what they are saying is bouncing back at them. Or my personal favourite thinking about something happy or my dreams for life so when they were talking I was zoned out and couldn’t hear what they were saying to me that was hurtful.

How have you learnt to accept your family for what it is? ‘

It took me a really long time to learn to accept my family for what it is. Since I was little I had this fairy tale image in my mind of how my family should be and I clung to it for dear life, just hoping that one day it would come true. If I’m being honest there will probably always be that part of me that hopes that my family will change. But as harsh as it may sound I had to grow out of the fairy tale and learn to be ok with things being just me and my mum, because we have an awesome relationship and a life that I love as just the two of us. And realise that most families aren’t like the ones on TV; I don’t have the power to change someone. I can only chose love them as they are, as much as the situation allows.

How do you let the person being affected know that the other person is toxic for them?

Be aware that this is a sensitive situation to be in and that you can only tell the person your view of the situation. You can’t force them to see things your way, so there is a chance they will be in denial about it. If you do want to say something you have to be mature, understanding and non-judgemental. Either have a face to face conversation. But again you have to be mature and stay calm, it may be frustrating or upsetting seeing someone you love being in a toxic situation but getting angry at them will only alienate them. Or if you feel too emotional write the person a letter stating why you are concerned and that you are only saying something because you care about them. If they chose to ignore what you said you have done everything you possibly can.

If the person does know that the relationship they’re in is toxic, how do you let them know that it’s okay to leave if they are concerned about hurting the people involved?

The only thing you can do is remind them that everyone will be ok and that they need to look after themselves because they can’t help anyone else if they are in a toxic relationship themselves. That you want them to be happy and that its ok to leave the relationship.

Elina’s Blog

Elina’s Instagram

I started blogging because I needed a space where I didn’t feel restricted when it came to voicing my opinions and sharing my emotions and I found that, I found this amazing community of people who’ve changed my perspective about and opened my eyes to a lot of things.

I’m a better person because of those people.

From the very beginning, mental health was always something I wanted to talk about because it’s something very close to my heart and something I’ve struggled with for a very long time. Right from the get go I told myself that someday I would talk about my own issues, that, I would do it regardless… Continue reading FRIDAY 6PM

Lets chat (4)

xxxChips

my baby is two & 400 followers

So I was planning on writing this post way in advance because I thought I had time and then I didn’t (story of my life) so I hope you enjoy this super short post.

And before you ask, no I’m not the kind of teen mum you’re thinking of, my baby, my blog is two years old.

We hit 400 followers a few days before April 16th(my blog’s birthday) and oh my gosh, it still blows my mind.

I’ve made so many incredible friendships and I’ve gotten to help people, and learn and truly be myself. I’ve grown so much over the past two years, and I owe it to this lovely community. I love you all soooo much.

Thanks for 400 and for making everything about my life so much more special. It’s been two years and I can still picture myself writing my first post while sat on my pink duvet, never in a million years did I ever think I’d end up here.

But I have and 400 of you incredible people actually read my words and take the time to talk to me and ahhhhh I’m so grateful for each and every one of you!!!

xxxChips

the f word//let’s talk about fat shaming

Last night I was writing a post on how I have always refused to change for anybody other than myself. Whether that was my attitude, or my dress code, my opinions. And then I saw this tweet by Gillette and it made me smile so big, there is literally nothing that makes me happier than representation. And my mind was instantly like ‘YESSS. Here is another company who values body positivity and representation and AHHHHH this makes me so unbelievably happy.

And I scrolled down to the comments, and I don’t even have the words to describe how much it sickens me to know I live in a world where people think comments calling people whales and disgusting are okay.

Look I’ve always been a firm believer that you stay the way you are because you choose to, and so when I read comments like that the only thing going through my mind other than a whole bunch of words I would have to censor in this post are questions. Why do you think it’s okay to invalidate someone and tell them they have no right to take up space in this world? What gives you the right to call someone a toothpick, or morbidly obese, a whale or whatever other damaging comment you have prepared?Who the hell are you to hate on someone for loving themselves?

This works either way. But I’ll use the image above in my example. And you can say the vile comment was a means of getting someone to a ‘healthy’ weight but my argument is this: How does making someone feel crap about themselves inspire or motivate them to change their lives for the ‘better’. Quite frankly, if I hated myself the last thing I’d be trying to do was to ‘improve’ my life in any way.I’m paraphrasing what Jenna Alexis said in this video, but my opinions are the same.

You could argue that the ad is glorifying obesity. But when the alcohol ads pop up on TV why is no one calling that the glorification of alcoholism? But then again I suppose it only works as excuse to bully people and not when it comes to you. How very convenient for you then.

And I’m sorry if you don’t realise that not everybody wants to play the role of societies puppets but myself and a whole bunch of other people do and we won’t stop talking about it until something changes.

The point is at the end of the day IT DOESN’T MATTER. At the end of the day it isn’t your body and it’s not your life. And I’m going to tell you all the exact same thing I told the person who decided to debate with me about this on Twitter

I asked my friend Autumn what she thought:

“Things like this just blow my mind. One thing I’m constantly confused about is the whole “glorifying obesity” thing- so, this woman is an actual person. And there are literally MILLIONS of women who have a similar body type to her. This woman is not a unicorn or some other kind of rare creature. So how is seeing an average woman in an ad glorifying anything at all? The other thing that annoys the ever loving shit out of me is the fact that the people who are against women like this don’t have any reason except ‘it’s not healthy’. Well, neither is binge drinking every weekend or having unprotected sex or vaping or leaving the restroom without washing your hands, but still, it’s fat people, especially fat women, who are constantly told they are ‘unhealthy’. We all know that these people don’t care about health, they care about societies preconceived ideas of an aesthetic body. So they call fat women ugly or disgusting or pigs or whales and tell us no one will ever find us attractive or want to sleep with us. But fat women don’t give a shit if people don’t find us attractive, And that’s exactly what body positivity is about-telling people to give us RESPECT, not attraction.” -Autumn

screenshot_2019-04-21-17-31-51.png

We’re taught to see our bodies as the problem when the real problem is unrealistic standards. The problem is that we’re still enforcing the idea that a number on a scale matters more than personality and a person’s happiness.

You don’t need to change, not if you’re not doing it for yourself. Your purpose was never meant to be perfecting the art of shrinking yourself to fit into a mould.

I hope you choose to love yourself, even when it feels like the world is telling you you’re wrong for doing so.

xxxChips

 

Friday 6PM ft. Cait

Get To Know Me Questions

 How would you describe yourself to a stranger?

Author. Blogger. Bookworm trying read absolutely everything!

 There is a fire and you can either save your book or the last slice of cake in the world. Which are you saving?

Probably…my book!? Which might be a bad decision because I can’t eat it later…

  What some books have you read/ movies you’ve seen that have changed your life?

Despite feeling like a cliche, I truly have to say The Hunger Games! It really changed how I wrote, encouraged me to really hone my own voice, and it also opened the doors to Young Adult fiction for me. And then I had such a book hangover after it that I went looking for those lists of “what to read when you’ve finished The Hunger Games!” and that’s where I was introduced to Maggie Stiefvater, who is absolutely my favourite author. So I owe a lot to The Hunger Games!

  What are some of your biggest pet peeves?

I am super peeved when people hate on others for loving harmless things! Just let people be happy!

  How many siblings do you have?

I have five — four sisters and one brother.

  What made you want to start blogging?

I actually have to blame my oldest sister…she suggested starting a blog. And though my first reaction was “what’s a blog lol”, I did start and obviously it kickstarted a huge part of my life for me!

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General Mental Health Questions

 How do you tell if a book has good rep if you don’t struggle with mental illness?

The best thing to do is ask the opinion of someone who also has that same illness — or read their reviews! I look for other markers too. For instance, if these problematic tropes pop up, I get concerned that it might be bad rep:
(1) is the character with the mental illness built purely on stereotypes?
(2) is the illness represented only by the villain?
(3) is the character only loved after they’re cured? or are they “cured” unrealistically?

When it comes to noting if it has GOOD rep, I often find the story really loves and cherishes its mentally ill characters! If I can, I also look to see if the book is #ownvoices (ie: the author has the same illness and is writing from experience).

  Advice for bringing up the topic of mental health with a friend who is struggling?

Sometimes it’s easier to reach out through a text instead of in-person. Instead of cornering someone into telling you “what’s wrong”, make yourself available (if you can) to be a listening ear, a support. Often those of us with a mental illness feel like massive burdens, so belay that fear for us.

  My family and ‘friends’ don’t care about my mental health, what advice do you have for that?

If you’re able, find an online community to support you! I’ve met amazing people online who struggle with similar things that I do, whether it’s depression or social anxiety. Books are also a safe haven to find comforting messages. But absolutely know, no matter what, you’re not alone. You’re not a burden. And you thoroughly deserve the best life you can have.

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Autism

  What is autism?

It’s a disability with such a huge spectrum that it’s rather hard to define! But it’s usually classed as having social and communication difficulties as well as very definite sensory sensitivities. It’s something you’re born with and, no, you can’t “catch” autism or develop it.

  How old were you when you were diagnosed and what impact did your diagnosis have on your life?

I was diagnosed at 21! I’ve been autistic my whole life, but a lot of the autistic diagnosis markers are based on boys, and girls present differently. My life was really starting to unravel after highschool, a common thing for autistics who don’t transition well (like: from highschool to adulthood), and my family and I pursued answers…which turned into an autism diagnosis. Suddenly so many things made sense. It was a relief for me, a lightbulb moment. I had the information to find tools to make life easier for myself.

What is the biggest positive of being autistic?

Things I love: being intensely creative and seeing the world from a different angle. Taking such deep pleasure from small things. Being passionate and good with details and being easily accepting of other’s differences. When you’re different, it makes little sense to judge others!

 What is the biggest challenge you face being autistic?

For me, it’s overwhelm. Too many people, a change in routine, a deadline, things being too loud…my ability to tolerate them is very low and throw more than two at me at once and it’s a recipe for disaster.

  Have you had any negative reactions when people have found out you are autistic. What advice do you have for that?

The worst was being caught in an online conversation about eugenics where someone said to me that autistics shouldn’t exist. Being told you’re “defective” and the world would be better off without you is an actual gut-punch. Sometimes I think it’s best just to walk away from things like that and take care of yourself first. But if you feel able to, and have the tools, speak up. I wrote an article back, taking apart their flimsy thinking. But the whole thing did leave me shaken.

  How do I support my friends/family members with autism?

Ask them what they need! For example: the expert on my autism isn’t a book, an article, or a psychologist. The expert is me. But I’m not the expert on the next person’s autism. So let the autistic have the voice, in any way they’re able to communicate. Also read lots of memoirs by other autistics. Never act like your autistic friend/family member is broken.

  What are some things people don’t usually know about autism?

I honestly think most people know next to nothing about it! Which is why we need more accurate representations in books and media (preferably lead by autistic creators!). I find people get surprised at how many ways autistics stim (these are like self-soothing repetitive tics that we could do for hours). Usually you think autistics just flap or rock, but we have so many ways to safely stim and we love it! Touching textures, smelling things, listening to specific music, fiddling with things, dancing, finger movements, jumping.  

  How can society make things easier/ more accessible to autistic people?

Because autism is such a huge spectrum, it really depends on the individual. One thing I have deeply appreciated while beginning my career of being an author, is how my agent and editors have made communication accessible to me. I’m not great at speaking out loud, so we skip phone calls and work solely by email. Things like this make the world of difference. Don’t shut doors because you think an autistic “can’t do something”. Find another way to open the door.

 Finish the sentence, “To everyone with autism, I want you to know…”

…you’re absolutely not broken and you are epic the way you are.

  Finish the sentence “To everyone without autism, I want you to know…” 

…autism isn’t an epidemic and it’s not a bad thing and the world is made fuller with us in it!

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Writing

  Do you have a writing routine? 

I tend to write in marathon-sessions instead of everyday. So I don’t really have a day-to-day routine! Just basically: I take a few months to write an outline, then I whip up a first draft in a few days, take a break, then spend months revising.

  Advice for moments when I don’t have motivation to write?

Make sure your creative well is full! It’s hard to write if you’re only giving out creatively and not taking in.

  Favourite places to find writing inspiration?

I do so love listening to music and going on long walks.

 When did you first decide you wanted to write and why?

I blame all the books I read! My childhood was made up of piles of books and my parents encouraged creativity, so it was natural that I turned to making my own stories.

  Does it ever truly hit you, the fact that you’re a published author with fans worldwide who are inspired by you and your journey?

It’s still totally surreal! Every time someone says “Oh I loved your book!” my reaction is still, “REALLY!??!” Haha. I’m so pleased to be able to share my words and actually be able to hold my books and see them in bookstores! Never going to get over the magic of that.

  How important is it to you to talk about the experiences you’ve faced in your writing?

In my latest book, The Boy Who Steals Houses, I did write about anxiety and autism — in ways that showed the characters weren’t broken and deserved loved. That was super important to me to be able to say.

  Best tip for aspiring writers?

Keep going! It seems like a ridiculously obvious thing to say, but the truth is: the more you write, the better you’ll be. So despite rejections and failed projects…always keep writing something else. You’ll get there!

  How has writing helped you manage your mental health?

Sometimes it’s been therapeutic, like when writing about anxiety. And I do love disappearing into my worlds of magic and mayhem as a break from reality.

  Do you have a preferred point of view when writing and reading?

I do like 3rd person the best, I confess!

  Do you think it’s harder to write from the point of view of the opposite gender? What changes? What stays the same?

For me, it’s not really harder? I just write people and my aim is always to get into that particular character’s shoes and figure out how they’d seen and react to the world. I feel that’s less about gender than about personality.

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The Boy Who Steals Houses

  What inspired you to write TBWSH? 

My story inspirations always come from a huge collection of things! For this one, I wanted to write a genderbent Goldilocks retelling. I also love going for long walks and since I pass by a lot of seemingly empty houses, my author imagination started to work and ask, What if a teen broke in, not to steal, but just to live while the owners were away? It fit solidly with the Goldilocks tale so I meshed them together and The Boy Who Steals Houses slowly came into existence.

  Are any of the characters in TBWSH inspired by people you know?

The De Lainey family dynamics are inspired by living with a big family myself…but I don’t pull particular characters to be inspired by real people! I would feel so awkward doing that haha.

  If you had to pick your favourite quote in TBWSH which one would it be?

“We are the kings of nowhere. We only need us.”

  What were the hardest and easiest parts of writing a #ownvoices novel?

Hardest: The pressure! Not wanting to make mistakes or badly write something that means so much to you.
Easiest: Knowing what you’re talking about! And falling into sync so easily with your characters because you know what they feel.

  Did you have any fears when writing TBWSH?

I always am scared my books are secretly horrible and will explode into a poof of dark smoke as soon as they hit the bookshelf. Just, ya know, the normal fears.

  What are some genres other than contemporary that you’d like to write in the future?

I’d love to write magical realism someday!

  What are some of the biggest influences on how and what you write about?

I’m definitely influenced by what I read, the authors I admire, and what’s happening in society.

  If you could have a sleepover with Sam, Beck, Avery, August or Moxie, who would you pick and why?

I think August would be the absolute best person to be friends with. She’s so kind and welcoming, will fill any awkward places with a smiles, and has zero judgements about anyone. She was one of my most loving characters to write and I adore her!

                                  

Goodreads | Book Depository | Amazon US | Amazon UK | Amazon AUS | Barnes & Noble | Waterstones | Hachette UK | Hachette AUS |

(buy A Thousand Perfect Notes)

Goodreads | Amazon US | Amazon UK | Amazon AUS | Waterstones | Booktopia | Hachette UK | Hachette AUS |

(buy The Boy Who Steals Houses)

Cait’s Blog

Cait’s Instagram

Cait’s Twitter

I started blogging because I needed a space where I didn’t feel restricted when it came to voicing my opinions and sharing my emotions and I found that, I found this amazing community of people who’ve changed my perspective about and opened my eyes to a lot of things.

I’m a better person because of those people.

From the very beginning, mental health was always something I wanted to talk about because it’s something very close to my heart and something I’ve struggled with for a very long time. Right from the get go I told myself that someday I would talk about my own issues, that, I would do it regardless… Continue reading FRIDAY 6PM

Lets chat (4)

xxxChips