I don’t want sympathy on this post, I really don’t. I just need someone to understand that whilst they’re days when I feel capable of doing anything, I still have days where I lie in bed thinking about how I don’t like my body, and how I’ll never catch up with school and how I wish I had something to say instead of having to constantly write posts like these when I feel like I’m drowning or overwhelmed.
I just, wanted things to happen a certain way this year and that didn’t happen, and now I find myself in between a mix of self love and acceptance and hating everything about myself.
And I can’t help but think, life shouldn’t be this hard, why is it so hard, why is happiness something I feel like I have to chase after?
But I have no way of answering that.
Recently I went to see a psychologist, my first one since moving and it was one of the worst experiences I’ve ever had. An hour of her invalidating my every emotion, and then her trying to discredit my diagnosis and saying I was more or less trying to make a big deal out of things.
I have only felt an anger that extreme at one other point in my life.
From the very beginning I’d been unsure about finding help in this country, and if I doubted I would get help whilst I was here before, well now I’m certain.
For those of you who don’t know, the official diagnosis I was given was Bipolar NOS (not otherwise specified) and basically what that means is that whilst I don’t meet the criteria for Bipolar 1 or 2 the changes in my mood are still significant enough to be considered “abnormal”.
And whilst I was medicated for a while, that kind of got put on hold abruptly when I moved. To put it simply my views on medication are as follows:
If it helps: great
If it doesn’t: Maybe it’s not for you/ you need a different dosage or different medication
And since we’re on the topic of medication, there’s a few things I wanted to say,
I feel like a lot of people have felt like they were in a position to judge or make comments about me being medicated when they weren’t. See, the thing is UNLESS YOU ARE THE ONE STRUGGLING, 99.9% OF THE TIME YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR THE PERSON WHO IS unless you’re a medical professional, and even they mess it up sometimes.
So here’s what you shouldn’t do when you find out someone struggles with mental health problems and/or find out someone is taking prescribed medication to help them cope with those problems:
- tell them they don’t need it
- tell them they’re over-reacting/faking their issues
- tell them that they’re too young to have all these issues
- call it a phase
(all of which someone has said to me at one point or another)
Because none of the things listed above are helpful, or supportive or kind. They come from a place of ignorance and lack of understanding.
So instead of invalidating their feelings, tell them you’re glad they’re taking steps to get help. Tell them that you’re there to support them, and listen to them if they ever need someone to talk to, and then remind them, because it’s so easy to forget.