i’m a sad little apricot

That’s it. That’s the post.

I’m kiddding. Bad joke, I know but I feel like you can make an exception for your sad little apricot.

I’ve been in a slump for a month, nearly two. Don’t get me wrong I can tell it’s coming, the sadness and all, because that’s just how it works, I get super happy and excited and inspired and then I crash.

But it always sucks.

I dissociate, on average twice a year. It’s never been as long as it was this time and it’s never had such a huge snowball effect on my life. It started off with me feeling uninspired and lost and completely detached from my feelings and then the next thing I know everything’s too vivid to be real. Fast forward a month later(around June 12) to me posting this, because I couldn’t deal with the thought of not writing any longer and then to two days ago where after nearly two months of not feeling anything I had a breakdown.

Oh how I love my life.

Totally not appropriate sorry!

But to go from not feeling anything:

Here is my heart. Place it right in front of a wrecking ball and take a swing because I can’t feel a single thing.

Here is my heart.

Place it front of a wrecking ball and take your best shot. Make it go splat against a wall. I just need to know there’s something inside of it.

I need to know I’m not losing myself.

To feeling everything in an instant, hurts.

It was one of those major breakdowns where I immediately sent out an SOS to a couple of my friends and they responded back almost instantly and they were lovely and kind and supportive and understanding. And then I felt horrible because I still felt bad after everything. You know that scene in Mean Girls where Regina George gets hit by a bus?

I’ve never felt more like Regina George.

I didn’t want to classify this as an if we were having cheesecake post because whilst I do write about some sad stuff there, that’s not why I started it. I wanted cake humor and life updates and oh dear me, I must be cake deprived.

So here’s a very boring update for you in a few sentences because I don’t think I can write much more.

I’m sad and exhausted and uninspired. And none of my coping tips are doing much of anything and everything seems topsy-turvy. And did I mention my laptop is broken too?

If any of you have any tips for getting out of a rut or passion project ideas that I could do whilst I ‘recover’ from whatever one would call this, please let me know.

xxxChips

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9 thoughts on “i’m a sad little apricot

  1. It’s okay to feel this way. You are not alone. I’m struggling myself lately being anxious and still not knowing what to do in life. I can understand you. Maybe, doing the things you love to do will help you to be happy and inspired. Blogging, swimming or reading a book helps me somehow. Maybe, writing down your thoughts in a journal will help. Having fun with a friend could help you too. I hope you feel better within time. I will be there for you 💗. Sending you lots of love xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ohh angel girl:( love you. Thank you for sharing this as it’s so important to talk about our mental health, whether it be bad or good. I wish there was something I could do for you, I’d literally give you THE biggest hug if I could (and lots of cake of course). This too shall pass in time and even though it may be a vicious and repetitive cycle, we’ll cross that next bridge when we come to it. Hang in there okay, you may be a sad apricot right now but you’re still the most beautiful one I’ve ever seen 🍑🍑 ((even though this is a peach we can still pretend)) xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You really aren’t alone. Life is hard and depression sucks. But you must cling to those few and far between moments in our long, mostly tragic lives, and bask in all its glory. The moments where the sun warms your soul perfectly as you lift your face to the sky with a small smile as if you were bathing in its nutrients and replenishing your love for life and this time around, it feels like it could stay forever, maybe. Find what makes you happy and live there. I feel you. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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