That’s it. That’s the post.
I’m kiddding. Bad joke, I know but I feel like you can make an exception for your sad little apricot.
I’ve been in a slump for a month, nearly two. Don’t get me wrong I can tell it’s coming, the sadness and all, because that’s just how it works, I get super happy and excited and inspired and then I crash.
But it always sucks.
I dissociate, on average twice a year. It’s never been as long as it was this time and it’s never had such a huge snowball effect on my life. It started off with me feeling uninspired and lost and completely detached from my feelings and then the next thing I know everything’s too vivid to be real. Fast forward a month later(around June 12) to me posting this, because I couldn’t deal with the thought of not writing any longer and then to two days ago where after nearly two months of not feeling anything I had a breakdown.
Oh how I love my life.
Totally not appropriate sorry!
But to go from not feeling anything:
Here is my heart. Place it right in front of a wrecking ball and take a swing because I can’t feel a single thing.
Here is my heart.
Place it front of a wrecking ball and take your best shot. Make it go splat against a wall. I just need to know there’s something inside of it.
I need to know I’m not losing myself.
To feeling everything in an instant, hurts.
It was one of those major breakdowns where I immediately sent out an SOS to a couple of my friends and they responded back almost instantly and they were lovely and kind and supportive and understanding. And then I felt horrible because I still felt bad after everything. You know that scene in Mean Girls where Regina George gets hit by a bus?
I’ve never felt more like Regina George.
I didn’t want to classify this as an if we were having cheesecake post because whilst I do write about some sad stuff there, that’s not why I started it. I wanted cake humor and life updates and oh dear me, I must be cake deprived.
So here’s a very boring update for you in a few sentences because I don’t think I can write much more.
I’m sad and exhausted and uninspired. And none of my coping tips are doing much of anything and everything seems topsy-turvy. And did I mention my laptop is broken too?
If any of you have any tips for getting out of a rut or passion project ideas that I could do whilst I ‘recover’ from whatever one would call this, please let me know.