some of my favourite quotes

Hey loves!

I’m still not really back, not that I was ever really gone but umm…I have no clue where I was going with that. Anyway, I wanted to share some of these little quote thingies* I made after I read The Dating Process, you can find my post all about how talented Claire is here.

I love the series so much and there are so many great (and hilarious) bits in there that I had to share because I’m honestly so so proud of Claire. I’ll probably continue to shout from metaphorical rooftops (because I’m a little baby) about this book and her forever.

*we stan a queen passing English

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xxxChips

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what pride means to us

So as some of you may know June was Pride Month. I spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted to do on my blog to celebrate it because the month means a lot to me and many others and after many sleepless nights I decided that I wanted the post to reflect what pride meant to loads of different people hence the title. I decided to reach out to a couple of people in the community to find out what pride means to them and share them with all of you. I’ll probably be updating this post for the rest of my life because my time management skills are non-existent but that’s a rant for another post.

Also this post was meant to go up during June but I had a really rough month, which is why the post is pretty short. But in my defense, pride is every day of of the year, so really I’m not late.

So hey you, I see you, maybe you’re not out yet, maybe you’ll never be, maybe you are. Every day, but especially during June, I hope you realise how incredible you are. How loved you are.

Hi, I’m May! I use she/her pronouns and identify as bi and demi! To me, Pride means celebrating ourselves as people not usually allowed to do such a thing, and being proud of our identities and where we’ve come from. But it also means remembering and honoring the past, especially the activists who fought for our rights and the people who died for who they are. It’s a moment of light, however brief, in a time usually dark with the stories of how even today people around the world live in fear because of how they identify.

May @gay_onnaise

Hey! I’m Chloé, a disaster bi blogger, writer and reader who spends most of her time enthusing about Greek mythology, crying over fictional characters and attempting to hold court with castle ghosts. When I think of Pride, I think of the Pride flag in my room. It’s such a small little thing, cost only £1, but it’s one of my most prized possessions. For me, being able to hang that little flag in my room is a metaphor, an encapsulation of what Pride means to me. Pride is being able to share who I am, and to be who I am unapologetically. It’s also about honouring those that came before me; those that rallied and fought for our ability to be who we are.

Chloe @chloemusings

Greetings! My name is Em. I am a 16 year old overthinker from Australia with always too much to say and not enough time to do so. I have perfectionist, responsible and outspoken tendencies, and I enjoy tea (the drink, but I guess the drama too), learning (about anything, really) and exploring! I have no clue what I want to do with my future and I graduate high school next year, so that’s not a concern at all… right? But more importantly, I am also a recently out(ish) bisexual, having come to terms with my identity nearly a year ago now. I’ve always considered Pride as a celebration of acceptance and respect, but also a call for continual action for the work that still needs to be done to protect, support and recognise the LGBTQ+ community. When I was questioning my identity, seeing the events, people and support of Pride helped me realise what it meant to be part of the community, and reassured me that I was not (and never will be) alone in my experience. Pride promotes the validation of diversity, and it is that comfort that has allowed me to acknowledge who I am with more courage and less fear. After all the confusion and anxiety – and consistently googling “Am I bisexual?” and then “How do I come out?” – it is a relief that I can know acknowledge that continual journey with Pride. This year is my first pride month as an out (kind of, friends and family only) bi, and it’s a bit surreal that I am now part of this wonderful community and have the recognised opportunity to celebrate it. While I’m still figuring out some parts of my sexuality, knowing Pride has arrived gives me relief and confidence in the knowledge that my experience is genuine, universal, and worthwhile. I remember writing in April 2016 that I was scared to admit I might not be straight, because then it makes it real. I wish I could tell my old self that admiting it and talking about it would relieve so much apprehension. Pride symbolises endless growth within individuals and throughout the world; and, of course, love. I hope this can resonate with you. Happy (20biteen) Pride!

Em @emilychanged

My name is Nicole Sgarlato and I’m a disabled transgender woman. Through coming to terms with my gender identity and making the decision to transition, I found freedom and blosssomed into the confident and fierce woman I was always meant to be, But I wouldn’t have gotten there without a safe space and the supportive community that I had in my life. Pride is many things. It’s a chance for us to celebrate our uniqueness, to be an example of what a loving and inclusive community looks like. It’s an opportunity to remind the world that despite society telling the LGBTQ+ community that we couldn’t and shouldn’t be ourselves, we exist and will not rest until their is equality for all. But to me the most important part of pride comes from within our community, because it’s also a chance for us to listen to the voices that come from the various intersections that exist. We can learn from each other, laugh and cry together, ask how to better support each other, grow together and ultimately be emboldened knowing that we are all in the fight for equality together

Nicole @nicolesgarlato

I’m Carmen. I’m pan and engaged to a beautiful woman named Ashley. To me, pride means celebrating the rights our LGBTQ+ precursors fought for. Thanks to them I am allowed to marry the love of my life. This month I will wear my rainbow flag with Pride.

Carmen @theferreirafactory

xxxChips

i’m a sad little apricot

That’s it. That’s the post.

I’m kiddding. Bad joke, I know but I feel like you can make an exception for your sad little apricot.

I’ve been in a slump for a month, nearly two. Don’t get me wrong I can tell it’s coming, the sadness and all, because that’s just how it works, I get super happy and excited and inspired and then I crash.

But it always sucks.

I dissociate, on average twice a year. It’s never been as long as it was this time and it’s never had such a huge snowball effect on my life. It started off with me feeling uninspired and lost and completely detached from my feelings and then the next thing I know everything’s too vivid to be real. Fast forward a month later(around June 12) to me posting this, because I couldn’t deal with the thought of not writing any longer and then to two days ago where after nearly two months of not feeling anything I had a breakdown.

Oh how I love my life.

Totally not appropriate sorry!

But to go from not feeling anything:

Here is my heart. Place it right in front of a wrecking ball and take a swing because I can’t feel a single thing.

Here is my heart.

Place it front of a wrecking ball and take your best shot. Make it go splat against a wall. I just need to know there’s something inside of it.

I need to know I’m not losing myself.

To feeling everything in an instant, hurts.

It was one of those major breakdowns where I immediately sent out an SOS to a couple of my friends and they responded back almost instantly and they were lovely and kind and supportive and understanding. And then I felt horrible because I still felt bad after everything. You know that scene in Mean Girls where Regina George gets hit by a bus?

I’ve never felt more like Regina George.

I didn’t want to classify this as an if we were having cheesecake post because whilst I do write about some sad stuff there, that’s not why I started it. I wanted cake humor and life updates and oh dear me, I must be cake deprived.

So here’s a very boring update for you in a few sentences because I don’t think I can write much more.

I’m sad and exhausted and uninspired. And none of my coping tips are doing much of anything and everything seems topsy-turvy. And did I mention my laptop is broken too?

If any of you have any tips for getting out of a rut or passion project ideas that I could do whilst I ‘recover’ from whatever one would call this, please let me know.

xxxChips

all the things you left behind

Hey lovelies,

I posted a couple of weeks(days??) ago but it still feels it’s been forever. I haven’t written a proper post in so long that all of this feels kind of foreign to me but hopefully by the time you’re reading this, this post won’t seem like an uncomfortable and awkward attempt at my usual writing style.

So I’ve been gone for a while and a lot has happened over the past month or so and I feel like an in depth catch up is needed but at the same time I’m in no position to be writing lengthy posts.

So I thought I’d share something else I wrote


your blue socks on the floor

your tattered copy of Charlotte’s Web

your half painted wall

your overflowing laundry basket

your favourite pen with the chewed up lid

your cd’s

your stack of cards

me

-all the things you left behind

because i continue to disappear for months at a time (see also:does it still count as a sabbatical if I’m not Dr. Bailey??)

~🌙🌹~

champagne kisses and whispered promises shared between tangled limbs//you taste like everything i could never have and yet gazing at the cotton candied sky i’ve never been more convinced that stars can be people too//in the summer we run through the vineyard and soak up the sun it’s the kind of life that’s easy to lose yourself in//weeks feels like years that melt into forever but time slips through my fingers lately


In case reading that wasn’t a major clue, I don’t have a poetic bone in my body but I’ve been forcing myself to write for the past month.

This is the part where we pretend I didn’t disappear for a month.

I might change the title at some point (or not) and I might explain my disappearance(maybe not) but in case you were wondering I’m still here.

xxxChips

what i’ve been listening to lately #3

April was weird and I’m 12 days late but here’s another playlist

dear yessie//jessie reyez

 

 

truth hurts// lizzo

“I just took a DNA test, turns out I’m 100% that bitch”

dinner and diatribes//hozier

Your friends are a fate that befell me//hell is the talking type//I’d suffer hell if you’d tell me//what you’d do to me tonight

siren// kailee morgue 

“This could be perfection//or venom dripping in your mouth//singing like a siren//love me while your wrists are bound//you’ve been seeing me in your dreams//but I’ll be there when your reality drowns

connect//drake

“Isn’t it amazing how you talk all that shit and we still lack communication”

“”She used to say you can be whoever you want even yourself //I show up knowing exactly who I was and never leave as myself //But when it falls apart, I’m still down to pick a million tiny little pieces off the ground”

let me down//jorja smith

“I’ve got you to let me down. Why do you let me down? Why do you let me down?”

the only//sasha sloan

“A million people in this town but I could scream without a sound”

 

What have you been listening to lately?

xxxChips

sorry

Just some stuff from my old journals

I have looked in mirrors and not recognised the person staring back at me

I have sat alone at events wondering how long it would take for someone to notice

I have been on stages, and never performed as myself

 

I have read thousands of words because I needed to escape

I have written thousands of words because I am lost, I am so lost and then I am found and then I am not and then I don’t want to be

I have downloaded apps and videos and music to keep me breathing because I have days where doing so without isn’t an option

I have walked around with rocks where my heart should be

I’ve had lengthy conversations with Death and catch up sessions with the universe

 

I have existed in the spaces between everything else because I never knew how to exist in any other way

 

I have tried my best everyday to help people because I don’t think I get saved in this story

I think it ends with self-destruction

 

So I’m sorry if I’m too vulnerable for your liking. I’m sorry if I can’t hide the worst parts of me because I am broken and I’d rather save someone else than save me. I am sorry if you think I’m romanticizing an illness that became my identity way before any diagnosis. I’m sorry if the scars on my body make you uncomfortable. I’m sorry that the only reason I’m here is because of the best people I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing, even if it was never in person and feel like I have to fill this space because I would never have seen 14 if it hadn’t been for them. I’m sorry that I’m so messed up. 

Would you like me to apologise for breathing too?

I have. Often. I do.

I am so sorry

x